Are You an Expert on Your Partner?

Being in a relationship gives a special opportunity to know someone deeply and intimately, and be know that way by someone else.

When I look at finely attuned couples I can feel this depth of understanding of the other.

Knowing what pushes the other’s buttons. Knowing what uplifts them. Knowing what can be done when the other is stressed.

From a neuroscience perspective these partners know how to co-regulate nervous systems together.

This is not something that just naturally happens. I have to admit that although I thought that I was pretty good at attuning to someone and knowing what they need, I very often mis-interpret, mis-read, and mis-assume when It comes to Troy.

Leading to misunderstandings and feelings of distance.

The better that we’ve become at actually listening, rather than assuming; the more we can pick the fruits in challenging moments.

Where Troy or I being being stressed would almost always lead to miscommunications and arguments, we can now notice early signs of stress and know what to do.

For me: give him a hug.

For him; ask me how I’m feeling and how he can support me.

I invite you to reflect and share with each other –

- What are 3 things that push my buttons? Make me feel vulnerable?

- How can my partner recognize that I am activated/stressed?

- What are 3 things that that they can do that calms and soothes me (how can they ‘scratch my itch’)?

….

Did you know your partners triggers? Where you surprised at what supports them?

And knowing this; how do you feel about the possibility to comfort them?