Do you ever find yourself on the edge of reaction to your partner, when you suddenly realize that you know exactly what’s going to happen if you react the way you always do? => same old trigger cycle hits repeat….

The first time that Troy and I slept in the same bed wasn’t the result of a romantic date.

Disharmony is not an invalidation of the harmony that was before. It can simply be another step on the path of intimacy. An opportunity to grow trust and persistence.

One of the big reasons why I love working with couples, relationships and human hearts, is that I deeply believe that there is a big connection between how we heal in love, and how we can heal our relationship to our planet.

I’ve been reading John Welwood’s beautiful book ‘Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships’. He created the best term that I’ve heard so far a for our human core wound of not feeling loved: ‘The mood of unlove’; the deep seated suspicion that we are not lovable.

I don’t think that I have learned more about love, truth, myself, and life than though the process of being in an open relationship…

Last week Troy and I were in training that was filled with powerful emotional processes and ceremony’s. We started the week with writing down our intentions, one of mine being: ‘I want to experience more love where my defense mechanism is to get contracted and shut down’.

"How do I know that taking space is healthy for self regulation, vs avoiding the intimacy of the relationship?"

Before Troy and I had this agreement, our triggers would often spiral into one of us (generally me;-)) sighing deeply and saying (or shouting...) ‘maybe we shouldn’t be together…”

I used to think that I was really good at having boundaries. But what I mostly did was putting up walls.

Do you ever wonder how to share your desires with your partner? If you should fulfill every (or any) desire? What you even desire?

in order to have a happy, healthy, passionate relationship you have to be willing to let it go. Not just once, but over and over again.

This doesn’t mean that is always looks like “we’re-all-over-each-other-I-love-you-until-the-end-of-time-and-happily-ever-after.”

As long as I can remember I walk with the question “how does change happen?”

When Troy and I got married my sister sat me down with a serious face…

“How would you feel loved today…?” Asking Troy this question in the morning seems to be a magic recipe for a connected and fulfilled day for both of us.

Despite the shiny pictures, this love story has know many non-shiny moments.

Doubts, arguments, betrayal, unfulfilled desires..

Troy did something that activated pain in me. A lot. And I did not like it. Rather than feeling the pain, I switched over to anger and resentment.

I am easily reactive. Defensive, mostly. Assuming that I’m being attacked when someone (read: Troy) makes a comment that I don’t understand.

Every relationship goes through phases of crisis. Explosive arguments. Or silent withdrawal. Conflicting desires. Unspoken needs.