Harmony - Disharmony - Repair - Growth

The rhythms of relationships 

Disharmony is not an invalidation of the harmony that was before. 

It can simply be another step on the path of intimacy. 

An opportunity to grow trust and persistence. 

Disharmony doesn’t have to be a reason for despair, but it can be a beautiful practice ground for repair. 

For a big part of my life an apology was strongly tied to not just bad behavior, but actually being a bad person. The amount of shame that this would trigger was to much to process, so better to stay self-righteous or defensive and not apologize… 

But I’ve come to love the power of apology and repair. 

It is a profound opportunity to owning where I’ve had a hurtful impact on someone, while still affirming my essential worth and goodness. Which gives me the energy to show up better. 

Repairing a hurtful situation in a relationship is not always as simple as saying that you’re sorry. 

First step of a repair: Remember that the person you talk to is the person that you love, and that you are here to make things better!  

Sounds simple, but isn’t always so easy when we are in defensive trigger mode. 

For me this means the opportunity to apply a relational ninja move. Hug Troy instead of becoming hard. Tell him it’s all ok instead of criticizing him. Opening my heart in love instead of asking for proof of love… 

What can I do to support myself and you?

How skillful can I show up this time around?

Can I actually do something new? 

That’s were healing can happen!