Relationship Ninja Moves

Do you ever find yourself on the edge of reaction to your partner, when you suddenly realize that you know exactly what’s going to happen if you react the way you always do? => same old trigger cycle hits repeat….

Interrupting ingrained (trigger) patterns is not easy and it requires a lot of awareness and courage.

WE HAVE TO DO A RELATIONAL NINJA MOVE TO CHANGE THE PATTERN!

As funny as it sounds, a relational ninja move can truly transform deeply ingrained patterns.

Let’s say you notice that you, your partner or both of you are starting to get dis-regulated. A argument is starting, disconnection is around the corner, you notice yourself getting more reactive. Instead of going with your reactivity, you pause and interrupt the cycle by supporting your partner in WHAT THEY REALLY NEED.

Instead of reactively asking Troy what’s wrong with him when he’s short with me (which, I should know by now, generally creates defensiveness and a feeling of being judged for him), I gather myself and pull out my ninja move. I walk up to him and hug him, and then whisper in his ear; ‘it’s all going to be ok…’

Aaaaah… both nervous systems relax…

The key to ninja moves is that you can’t expect or demand a ninja move from your partner. Ninja moves are A GIFT, and every time you manage to do one you are a superhero for stepping out of the trigger cycle.

It is helpful to discuss and practice your ninja moves at a moment where you’re feeling good and connected. Be very precise on what exactly would support you; what gestures, what moves, what words, what sequence? What makes your system down-regulate? Give yourself permission to write your ninja move for your partner down and put it in your wallet, ready to be reviewed when needed.

Doing a ninja moves is a sincere action, but it can bring in some laughter as well. Imagine your partner saying: “Hold on honey, I want to do a ninja move but I have to grab my notes”…

Let’s inspire each other with our moves!

What ninja move can your partner do for you when you are stressed?

And what’s your move for your partner?