Don’t Threaten to Leave the Relationship When You are in a Triggered State

To me this is one of the most important commitments that a couple can make.

Before Troy and I had this agreement, our triggers would often spiral into one of us (generally me;-)) sighing deeply and saying (or shouting...) ‘maybe we shouldn’t be together…”

Even though it never felt like the complete truth, there was something strangely comforting about staying that.

Something like false empowerment; the sense of being in control in a situation and emotional state that seems out of control.

At the same time I could feel the deep impact of these words, and I’ve learned how much repair is needed to restore trust.

THREATENING TO LEAVE CAN CREATE TREMENDOUS UNSAFETY IN THE RELATIONAL FIELD.

If we really need to separate, we can do so from a non triggered space. When our full mature selves are back online (which is clearly not the case in a trigger), we can evaluate what steps to take.

More often than not a trigger is not a sign that we should break up; but A SIGN THAT GROWTH CAN HAPPEN.

So what to do when we ARE triggered and those words want to come out…?

I created an 8-step framework to navigate through triggers and conflicts skillfully, if you go to my website and signing up you will receive the video and handbook in your inbox:-)

What drives you to the point of saying “maybe we shouldn’t be together?” Slamming a door and walking out? Freezing and becoming cold?

How would you like to navigate those moments differently?

LEARNING TO NAVIGATE TRIGGERS IS A SKILL THAT WE CAN LEARN!

And trust me, if I can learn, you can as well;-)

Sending you love!