Taking Space in the Relationship

I heard this beautiful question recently:

"How do I know that taking space is healthy for self regulation, vs avoiding the intimacy of the relationship?"

As someone who tends to move away from relational stress I have asked myself this question a lot.

It is absolutely necessary that we take space to self regulate when needed.

I know that in a certain triggered state it does not make any sense to continue to communicate with my partner, and what I need is space and breath.

However, there also moments in which healing actually happen through staying in the uncomfortably. Taking space in those moment is confirming an old sense of unsafety, which can be reframed right there if I were to stay.

A helpful question to ask yourself is:

Who in me feels that they need to take space?

Is the space supporting the connection? (because when I regulate myself I can be back in connection)?

Or, am I breaking the connection because a wounded part in me feels that that’s the only empowered thing to do?

Another rule of thumb; responsible space taking in a relationship means that the person who states the need for space is also the one responsible for staying when there will be connection again.

“I will go outside now and I will check in with you in an hour”

Who has the biggest need for space in your relationship?

How do you navigate these moments, and get back into connection?

Much love!