How to be with conflicting desires...

Do you ever wonder how to share your desires with your partner?

If you should fulfill every (or any) desire?

What you even desire?

Navigating desires in life is a deep inquiry. Add the factor of a relationship – 2 (or more) people with desires that often include each other – and you can be sure to have some extra layers of complexity.

For some of us desires have been put away deep down. 

Others follow a constant stream of desire. 

The joy that comes with shared desires easily turns into hurt when desires are different, especially when they are opposing. 

If I have the desire to go to a party and my partner does not, it is likely that we will find a way.

But when there is a consistent difference; for example me desiring closeness, and my partner desiring space; resentment on both sides builds up.

“Why can you not/never fulfill my desire for X?”

“Why can you not/never honor that I don’t want to do to do X?”

Relationships are an invitation to grow our capacity to hold a paradox; both desires are true and valid. Sometimes there is a compromise to be found, but more often there can be a THIRD WAY. 

HOW CAN ALL NEEDS BE MET?

There’s not one ‘magic key’ to this question, but there is truth to be found in slowing down. 

Slow down.

Expand the moment.

Listen as hard as you can to your partner:-) 

Speak courageously. 

Often, when we’ve listened deep enough, and have been heard and seen without judgment, clarity arises. When we feel safe our creativity is boundless, and the paradox can be held. 

Do you recognize the patterns in your relationship around fulfilling each others desires?

Are you more likely to say yes or no to your partner?

Do you feel free to share your own desires?

Can you be with a no?

Sending you love!