No Space for Resentment in a Healthy Relationship

Troy did something that activated pain in me. A lot. And I did not like it. 

Rather than feeling the pain, I switched over to anger and resentment. 

“You did something wrong. I am hurt and angry and you can’t make it right.”

What caused pain was a lack of communication in the sensitive area of navigating open relating. 

It wasn’t skillful, there was too little care for my heart, it crossed a boundary. But does that make Troy a bad person? A flawed personality? Does it make our whole relationship and all the trust we’ve built completely invalid?

In my resentment it did. Because a resentful voice doesn’t see the whole picture. It sees what’s wrong (aka painful) and makes that the whole reality. 

Again, it serves protection, but is not helpful to two mature adults trying to create an open hearted relationship. 

So we were in a standstill. 

And just like standing water, it started to feel muddy and toxic. 

Holding resentment doesn’t feel good, but for my inner child it seemed to be better than feeling pain. 

One morning I woke up and before I could comfortably settle in some resentful thoughts, I knew that I could not continue like this. 

THE ONLY WAY TO AN OPEN HEART IS THROUGH THE HURT. 

There is no way around it. 

So… I needed to cry. Vent to a friend. Be held by a mentor.

And then: reconnect with Troy. 

Allow for the pain to move, so that love can show herself again. 

Where do you hold on to resentment? 

What would you have to feel to open your heart again? 

You have the courage to do it! 

And you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out for support. 

Sending you love!