Why I Have Such a Hard Time Apologizing….

I am easily reactive. Defensive, mostly. Assuming that I’m being attacked when someone (read: Troy) makes a comment that I don’t understand.

I react with anger: why are you saying that? What do you mean? You are making assumptions! (HELLO MIRROR;-))

Ideally I would recognize that I’m being reactive when I see Troy’s surprised reaction to my outburst, having no idea why I’m so reactive.

And ideally I would apologize and communicate non violently what I felt and what I need, and ask Troy the same.

Ideally…

I’m pretty good at step 1: recognizing that I am being reactive.

But instead of apologizing and clarifying, I tend to shut down. I judge myself for my reaction. Apologizing feels like confessing, and therefor amplifying, my “mistake.”

APOLOGIZING IS ONLY POSSIBLE WHEN WE LOVE OURSELVES.

As I learned to love myself over the years I’ve gotten better at apologizing.

But I can only ask for forgiveness when I have forgiven myself.

Yes, this behavior was not skillful and hurtful.

I am sorry.

And, I am still an amazing human being!

FORGIVE YOURSELF.

You’re the only one who can do it.

Where can you forgive yourself?

Is there anyone you’d like to apologize to?

Sending you love!